Photography: Heather Michelle Photography
Happy Friday loves! It has been a busy/stressful/great/crazy week. I am in a season of life I have been in longer than expected, but God is showing me so much good through the ups and downs. Which is what I want to share with you all today, the ups and downs.
Warning: long post ahead.
I started this blog for the following reasons:
- I love fashion, cooking, DIY, etc and thought this would be so fun to be able to share with old and new friends.
- I always talk my self out of things. I wanted to prove to my self I could do this and be successful at it.
- The relationships I see bloggers make with other bloggers and readers is so inspiring!
- (and most importantly) I want to be able to share things that I think may can help just even one person who comes across this blog.
We all go through so many tough things on a daily basis. I know I personally can sometimes get in the mindset of “I’m the only one who feels this way!” “Why is life so much easier for everyone else?” “Why isn’t God showing up in the ways I want him to?” and so on. So I hope from time to time, I can share some things that maybe we can relate to with each other and help get through them. We weren’t meant to do life alone!
So, here we go. I have always had extremely low self esteem about not only my outer appearance but my abilities, etc. I’m just insecure. I hate it, but it’s part of me. It had gotten so bad to where out of no where a year or so ago, I started suffering from depression and anxiety. I hid it from everyone, absolutely no one could know. I was so embarrassed of it, until one day I had a full on panic attack and had no choice but to call my parents crying for help. I tried just about every solution to control it, I even sought medical attention and nothing truly helped me feel better. I felt empty and alone.
Then one day while live-streaming church in MS, it all seemed different. I’ve had a personal relationship with the Lord for many years now, but it was like that sermon was meant just for me at the perfect time (funny how that happens all the time). Sparing all of the details of the sermon ( so this post isn’t ten pages long), it just made me realize that the only way I could get over the hump of anxiety and depression was by my faith. Letting Jesus carry all of it.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
I had to wake up everyday and choose to hand it over to Him. It wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen over night. Although the anxiety and depression had fled, my insecurity still lingered. It seriously ruined every dinner, errand, trip… everything. Hello, Debbie Downer. My poor family, boyfriend, and friends. I was still a miserable person to be around. I hated to be around me even. I knew what I was doing, yet I could not change. Sounds crazy, I know.
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries us the bones” Proverbs 17:22
Just when the enemy was pulling me back down and making those around me pull their hair out, God placed a sweet lady in my life who gave me her ticket for a women’s conference. (Thank you, Barbara!) I was so excited, yet indifferent at as the day came closer and closer. When I say I ruin things by being insecure, it’s so bad that I feel everyone is staring at me at every instant and I just feel uncomfortable. Add in thousands of women in on room to that.. yea. So, I went and Christine Caine started to speak on being fully known. It kind of went in one ear and out the other. I was thinking, “Yea, yea He knows every hair on my head bla, bla I know. This isn’t for me today.”… until she said the following : Who or what is stealing your joy? The enemy will try to make you think you’re not something, when you actually already are. Sometimes, he can even let your own voice speak louder.
MY OWN VOICE. How true. Every single person around me has always complimented me and lifted me up all of my life. I have awesome parents, a degree, the sweetest man and everything I could ever want.I had no reason to feel the things I did. I was stealing my own joy. Wow, let that sink in. Once again, funny how you are in the right place at the right time. (Thanks God, I like your style.) I decided right then and there I was done stealing my own joy all day every day. My heart just automatically felt relieved. I could not continue to live life miserable, when Jesus died on the cross for our sins so we could live happily ever after. CHOOSE JOY. CHOOSE HIM.
“Jesus came enjoying life.” Matthew 11:19
So, if you’re still reading this (thank you) and just know you are not alone in whatever you are going through. I know in today’s world of social media, it is easy to compare our selves to everyone else and pick our selves apart. Everyone’s life seems so perfect. It can send you in a downward spiral, I’ve been there done that. You are beautiful, loved, KNOWN, and God has a plan for you and I. We just have to choose joy and go through each season enjoying life. He is where you can find true peace.
” I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Ps: I had so much fun this past Tuesday taking pictures with Heather Michelle Photography. She is such a sweet lady. Go check her out for any photography needs you have.